If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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