I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
