quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
be right there i have to get my cape
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
