We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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