I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
