why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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