i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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