so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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