you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
