Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
