when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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