I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
