So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
