I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
