If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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