Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
