I just made out with a guy for $7.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
