Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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