Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize