maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
