I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
