She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
