I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
