LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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