found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
