Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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