I accidentally had phone sex last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
