i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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