Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
