my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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