it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
