just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
