It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
