puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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