I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
