Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
