I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
