Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
