Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
