I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
