take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize