she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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