you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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