if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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