And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
