Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize