I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
