I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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