2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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