Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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