And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
