I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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