My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize