??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
