just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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