she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
