He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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