I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
