sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
