On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
