Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
