I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
