Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
