he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
