Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it glows. i had to have it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You have to summon your inner elephant
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize