It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
