I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Girls should come with a carfax report
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
BRING THE BAGELS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
