I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is the high leading the old right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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