Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
