sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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