i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize