jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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